Rejecting Suitors

    Many of us frequently find ourselves in the difficult situation of trying to reject someone without hurting them.  We seldom want to tell our true reasons since our true reasons might hurt the person we are rejecting.  No matter what we say it's likely to be painful.  The easiest thing to say might be that I don't want to continue and I don't want to discuss it because the discussion will be painful.  One of the most painful aspects of being rejected is it's a blow to one's self esteem.   One can ease the blow by praising the person with a statement like, "You're very nice, I like you, I'm sure you'll find someone, but I don't want to continue".   People being rejected generally want a reason.  You can be firm about not telling them or you can tell them the truth.  If the truth is constructive it might be helpful in the long run even if it's hurtful in the short term.  If the rejectee needs to go on a diet for example, it might be better to say so even at the risk of being hurtful since in the long term a diet might increase the rejectees chances of finding someone in the future.  One advantage of telling the rejectee the truth is it gives him or her a chance to defend him or herself.  You may find the rejectee has good reasons for whatever it is about them that is objectionable and that they will change for the better.



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