I just had a great and informative date yesterday (Oct 1998) with an attractive woman.  At dinner in a French restaurant she told me about some of the losers she had dated.  She said some of them were cheap and wouldn't pay or would only take her to a pizza place.  She told me I knew how to treat a date.  She told me that some men she has dated have been very into themselves and not at all interested in her.  She told me why she liked me.  One of the things she said was that "I was happy and that put her in a good mood."  Another thing she didn't say but I could tell made a difference for her was I told her that she was a great date.  My outlook made me attractive to her.  My attitude toward her did as well.  Outlook and attitude are the keys to great dates.  After lots of kissing in a movie (while the characters were also kissing.  We were the better show) we walked to a park and started where we left off.  What a night!  

    The movie we saw "Next Stop Wonderland" is a movie that is very relevant to this web page.  The story was about a woman dates a lot of losers and finally finds a winner. The reason it was relevant to this web page is you could see why these men were losers and they represent a lot of men out there.   At one point in the movie the woman says to one of the men that she would enjoy their company a lot more if they would just be themselves instead of trying to impress her.  After meeting all these losers she meets a Brazilian who is very genuine and sincere and passionate and she falls for him.  Being genuine and not pretending to be someone else is very important for successful dating. 

    One's outlook can affect whether or not one puts oneself in situations where one has the opportunity to meet other people.  I am friendly with a sweet and attractive girl who is upset because she doesn't have a boyfriend.  She lives within 20 minutes of Manhattan by bus.  I have tried to get her to come with me to singles events there or to join my friends and I in the city.   She always comes up with an excuse for why she can't come.  First she said she was afraid she'd get lost in the city.  I said I would come to her home town and get on the bus with her.  Then she had excuses such as "My aunt is sick".   I finally found out her real reason for not coming into the city.  She told me she thinks she's ugly.  She's afraid that if she goes to a singles event the men will think she is ugly.  The irony of that is that she is attractive.  This is an example of how a negative outlook reduces ones opportunities to meet people.  If she would date a man who thought she was beautiful that would help change her outlook but by believing she is ugly she is reducing her chances of ever meeting that man. 

    One's attitude about herself may actually affect her beauty in the eyes of other people.  A very good psychology experiment would be one that tested this hypothesis.  I know that when a woman smiles at me and holds herself with pride in her bearing looks much more attractive to me than a woman who doesn't.   A woman who is focussed on how ugly she is is unlikely to have pride in her bearing or to smile at anyone.

    One outlook that can destroy relationships is "She owes me".  What does your partner really owe you?  What obligations does she have to you?  Just because you may want her to do something does not mean she has any obligation to do it.  A loving relationship is more likely to result if one is grateful for what the other partner gives instead of angry at the partner for what she has not given.

    The dating web pages on this site have suggestions about how to behave but sometimes it is difficult to behave that way.  If one is depressed, and has low self esteem, then even if one has social skills, other people are unlikely to want to be in one's presence.  If one is nervous that one will fail in a social situation, others sense the nervousness, feel uncomfortable and one fails.  One can try and act in a certain way even if one's outlook is different but unless one is a very good actor people will pick up negative signals. 

    Ways to improve one's outlook regarding social situations is discussed in the self help section.  There is another page about outlook in the social skills section.  If one succeeds in improving one's outlook that can result in a positive cycle as shown below.



Positive Outlook images/acycle.gif (14544 bytes) Attractive Behavior

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