There are many vicious cycles that can occur in relationships.  One of the saddest such cycles is when one party is trying to improve the situation and the other party reacts with hostility to those attempted improvements.  An example would be if one partner tries to explain to the other partner what that other partner is doing that is harmful or hurtful.  The other partner could react with hostility and anger at the criticism and do more hurtful things.  The explaining partner might react by trying to explain some more and then the other partner gets more and more hostile and angry.  

   One partner may be trying to rescue the other.  One spouse could be trying to get their fat spouse to lose weight for health reasons.  The overweight spouse might decided the other spouse is being controlling and mean and react with hostility to the concern of their spouse.  This is not a vicious cycle but it is similar to the vicious cycle described above because it is also an example of one party trying to improve the situation and this leading to hostility from the spouse. 

   When people are unsuccessful in dating they often build up anger toward the opposite sex and to life in general.  I have two friends a man and a woman who are full of anger.  This bottled up anger affects their behavior and it is very likely that it is preventing them from being successful with the opposite sex.  One way I've seen it affect the man is that he loses his temper quickly.  It can be quite frightening to be around someone like that.  A girl who went on a date with him once told me how several times he became furious at her.  Needless to say she doesn't want a romantic relationship with him.  He gets worked up very quickly for little reason and that when he does the volume of his voice goes up and he practically shouts.  I haven't observed how anger affects my woman friend's dating behavior but talking to her is a drain on me as she expresses her anger at life, men and at God to me.  I could certainly see how she could lose friends as a result. 

   Both of my friends are caught in a vicious cycle of anger and rejection.

    To become successful at dating it's important to let go of one's anger.  Some approaches to doing this are discussed on another page on this web site.


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