The Importance of Not Getting Involved

    This is a story I was told by a reader who read my web page about the importance of Getting Involved.  He changed the names.  We'll call him Jim.  Here is Jim's story.

"I was friendly with two women, Karen and Sandy.  One day when I was visiting Sandy she told me how Karen would not speak to her anymore.  I asked her "Why won't she?"  She told me how she had given her friend Karen a ride and had done all these things for Karen and how she needed to get to a concert but Karen insisted on being driven to do different errands until she missed her concert.  Naturally she became upset at Karen for this and complained to her about it.  Karen then cut her off and would no longer answer her calls and had not spoken to her for months.  I told Sandy that I would talk to Karen about it. 

The next day I asked Karen about it and Karen told me that she was through with Sandy.  I asked her to please not throw away an 8 year friendship , and Karen responded that Sandy had been nasty to her for years and that she didn't feel good around Sandy and she didn't see why she should waste her time around Sandy.  I emailed Sandy that I had tried to mend things but Karen didn't want to.

About a month later I had a dinner at my house for a social group I was a member of and invited Karen personally.  Sandy came because she was on the group mailing list.  Sandy was friendly and eventually went home.  Karen started having a headache and I went out to buy her some pain medicine.  She was very grateful.  She stayed till everyone was gone and then told me that she had been very angry with me because she felt I had betrayed her by talking about her with Sandy behind her back.  She told me that she had discussed me with her friends and they all had formed a negative opinion of me as a result.  She told me that Sandy had complained about me to a friend who had told her how I had made Sandy cry for two days and that I had been the one who had kept asking Sandy questions about what had happened.

Karen and Sandy are now talking and on better terms.  I succeeded in achieving that objective, however I was made the scapegoat and the villain.

     I myself have had experiences like Jim's.  In one case I tried to help a former fiancée improve a very strained relationship with her family and succeeded but they both became angry at me and that was a major factor in my fiancée leaving me and marrying someone else.





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